Yes, all of these children are mine…..NOW STOP STARING!

    I was so taken aback by the conversation, that I didn’t know what to say. If you’re a Seinfeld fan, it was like that episode where George is stuffing his mouth with shrimp and that guy says “Hey George, the ocean called, they’re running out of shrimp”. George cannot think of a witty retort until he is in the car and comes up with “Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. They’re running out of you”  I SO needed a “jerk store” line but  I had nothing..NOTHING at all!! Perhaps since I do not expect to be judged for choosing to have a large family in such a boisterous manner, I do not leave the house adequately prepared with a response. It actually took me by surprise that I would have caught that woman’s attention enough that she would have felt the need to comment on my children. 

     A similar situation happened just a few days earlier at the airport. As I was gate checking our two strollers, the airline employee assisting me struck up a conversation about the boot I was wearing (A recent series of unfortunate events had left me with multiple injuries, including two broken ribs. The boot was protecting my injured foot). As she tagged my two strollers, she did a double take of my sweet entourage. She asked if they were all mine, to which I answered “yes”, and just to confirm, she asked if I really had five children (duh!). Then she added “and you’re taking them ALL on the plane to Disney”. My first instinct was to be snarky and say, “No, we’re leaving the 8 yr old here at the airport”. But my Mama did teach me to be polite and so I just responded with a boring “yes”. The woman was speechless…I mean, seriously and literally speechless. She attempted to say something three times, but instead was unable to form actual words. I took that as my cue to join my brood , far away from her.

     Make no mistake, this is not the first time this has happened. I had a FedEx guy come to the door one day and as I was signing for the package, he asked if I ran a home daycare…..”Nope! All mine” I told him.  My “favorite” usually comes from a cashier while shopping. “Are all these kids yours?” is what is asked. Last year while shopping for Halloween costumes (at that time I was pregnant with baby girl, so I only had four kids in tow), the cashier asked the usual question “Are all these kids yours?”. Now, usually I am polite in my answer, but the combination of horrendous morning sickness and a very long and trying shopping experience, caused me to snap. I answered “Well yes of course. Who’s kids would they be? Are there people out there who ACTUALLY take other people’s children costume shopping? Because if so, I would LOVE to find these individuals and have them take MY kids shopping and save me the pain and agony of having to come to this store”. The woman, totally unfazed by my obvious annoyance to her question, apparently did not believe me and CONTINUED the interrogation. “So, you gave BIRTH to all of these kids?”.  Goodness…who asks that?  I couldn’t believe it. I answered “yes” and got out as quickly as I could.

     I guess I just don’t get it. Yes, I have five children and I know that number is higher than the national average of children per household……but it’s not like I have 19. Even if I did have that many, why should I be judged? My children are well behaved, polite, fed, clean, well provided for, and happy. The three older children excel in school. My oldest son, 11, is in advanced math class. My #2 son , 8, has high abilities in both reading and math and my oldest daughter, 6, is expected to be high abilities in both areas as well (although we will not get “official” word until the end of the school year, her teacher is quite certain based on her test scores, and yes, I am bragging, just a bit, about their achievements, but they work hard!). So what is the problem? Why do we draw such attention and why do people feel it is their duty to comment about it? The kids are not disruptive or out of control. They do not run around like maniacs in a store or misbehave in restaurants. They are not loud or disrespectful. They do not DO anything that would catch the attention of other people. So it is truly the NUMBER of children that draws attention to our family.

     I love our family but don’t misunderstand me, we have our moments. It is crazy and chaotic and, at times, not easy. I haven’t had a decent night sleep in 11 years 5 months 3 weeks (not that I’m counting). I  can count on one hand the number of hot meals I have had to myself  and the number of “dates” DH and I have had in the past 11 years.  But I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. My children bring me such joy and happiness, more so than I could’ve ever imagined.  

     So the next time you see a mother with more than 2 children, don’t stare…don’t ask her ridiculously obvious questions.  Perhaps, instead of verbalizing your disbelief, you could tell her she is doing a great job. That will make her day!